Postpartum

Back when I was slightly more naive than I am now, I rejoiced when Co-pilot Egg dropped into the outside world, mistakenly thinking that this would be the end of the hormonally challenging months that had preceded the big event. Little did I know...

It was not long before I was introduced to the concept of postpartum depression and its lengthy list of symptoms:

• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Low self-esteem
• Guilt
• A feeling of being overwhelmed
• Sleep and eating disturbances
• Inability to be comforted
• Exhaustion
• Emptiness
• Social withdrawal
• Low or no energy
• Becoming easily frustrated
• Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby
• Impaired speech and writing
• Spells of anger towards others
• Increased anxiety or panic attacks
• Decreased sex drive

You are, of course, wondering why I bring this up. Well, I'm finding that I am currently exhibiting more than a few of those symptoms (and to be fair, there are quite a few on there that I have grown so accustomed to as part of my natural state that I can't quite view them as symptoms of anything untoward) and I am not sure how to explain it. As I think about it, there are two recent events that might be the cause.

First is the current conditions in Ohio. We are beset with high, loud winds that constantly interrupt us as we try to relax in our home. We have tried to secure the house against their onslaught to no avail and have finally resigned ourselves to the fact that we will simply have to ride out the storm for the remainder of the week.  Note that I am not talking about the foul weather we are receiving under the auspices of hurricane Sandy's trek to the east. No, I am referring to the storm of political campaigning being endured here in Battlefield Ohio. While it is nice to know that my vote will actually matter to a degree that most other's won't, it comes at a cost. It's doubly frustrating to have to endure all this sturm und drang when one of the candidates really never stood a chance in hell of getting my vote.  I guess it's my own fault; I could have reduced the noise by half be registering with one of the two dominant parties, but I refuse to be formally associated with either of them. 

This isn't to say that the weather isn't taking a toll.  While we won't have the potentially devastating winds and sea surges of those living in coastal areas, the high winds and biting rain will keep me locked in for most of the week. Ugh.

While uncomfortable, neither of these situations fully explain the mix of anxiety and depression that I am feeling. For an explanation of those, I look to the airplane. While I thought that at this stage I would be excited about being nearly done and invigorated over the idea of working through the final steps, I instead find myself anxious (in a bad way) and enervated about the whole thing. I don't know if it was the incredible cock-up of pouring a quart of oil overboard due to my inattention on the valve covers, or whether it has more to do with the remaining things left to fix.

There's also the broken CHT issue. Wiring problems, in a word, suck.  And there is also the distinct difference between 'building' and 'fixing' to consider. While there were certainly times of uncertainty that bordered on confusion while building, I could assure myself that those problems were solvable simply by reminding myself that a few hundred people before me had done it. Not so with a wiring problem. Even getting to the position of being able to maybe solve the problem will require removing panels and parts that were hard to get in place, and will more than likely also require tearing apart all of the nice wiring bundles I created in the avionics bay.

Depressing.

I don't want to remove all of that stuff until I'm done with the stuff that requires running the engine, either. And part of that stuff is setting the propeller pitch, and that requires fabricating a special alignment tool. I have no appetite for that for some reason. I also have to tighten one of the stabilator cables, and that will require messing around with the cable turnbuckles down in the belly. The prospect of lengthy, uncomfortable periods of crawling around on the cold hangar floor trying to figure out how to get those stupid locking springs out of the turnbuckle does not appeal to me in any way, shape, or form.

When (if?) all of that is accomplished, I will have removed umpteen panels, floorboards, and other pieces/parts to provide a wide open view of the structures and systems to the inquisitive eyes of Federal inspectors. Do you think there might be a little stress in that??  Yep!!

I know that this is all stuff that pales in comparison to the years spent building the thing in the first place, but telling myself that doesn't seem to help. What will help is getting through some of the items on the to-do list. That, unfortunately, will have to wait for better weather.